I AM NOT A BIG FAN OF WAITING.....

SO TODAY WAS MY FIRST DAY BACK AT THE GOOD OL' DENTAL OFFICE FROM BED REST. IT WAS A GOOD AND BAD THING TO BE BACK AT WORK.  I WAS GLAD TO GET THINGS DONE AND ACCOMPLISHED. I WAS SAD TO  LEAVE JAXTEN AT HOME. I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM AND MY HUBBY BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY THE BILLS SOMEHOW I GUESS. IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD DAY. I KEEP FEELING LIKE I AM GOING TO MISCARRY AGAIN BUT I HAVE NOT SO FAR. I AM REALLY HOPING FOR A PREGNANCY THIS TIME AROUND. I FEEL LIKE I AM MORE PREPARED THIS TIME. I AM 6 DAYS OUT FROM WHEN I MISCARRIED LAST TIME. SO I AM TAKING IT A DAY AT A TIME AND HOPEFULLY I WILL MAKE IT TO BLOOD DRAW DAY.
 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT IS ALREADY OCTOBER SOON THAT IS REALLY CRAZY. TIME GOES BY WAY TOO FAST! I AM EXCITED FOR JAXTEN TO GO TRICK OR TREATING. HE IS GOING TO BE SPIDER MAN. HE IS PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT THAT. HE IS GETTING TO THE CUTEST STAGE EVER. HE IS BASICALLY THREE AND BOY DOES HE ACT LIKE IT. HE IS SUCH A SMART KID AND I AM NOT JUST SAYING THAT. HE AMAZES ME HOW SMART HE IS FOR A TWO YEAR OLD. HIS PEDIATRICIAN SAYS HE IS A COUPLE OF YEARS OLDER THAN HIS AGE. SO MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. HE IS SUCH AN OUTGOING LITTLE BOY AND SAYS HI TO EVERYONE. HE IS THRIVING AND DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB WITH EVERYTHING. WE STILL HAVE NOT FOUND ABOUT THE JOB MAYBE WE WILL FIND OUT TOMORROW. IT WILL ALL DEPEND ON THE PAY FOR THE JOB. WE WILL HAVE TO HAVE A SITTER FOR TWO MORE DAYS OF THE WEEK... WELL I WILL KEEP PRAYING THAT THIS WILL WORK OUT SOME HOW. I KNOW GOD WANTS ME TO GROW FROM THIS. I AM TRYING TO DO THE BEST I CAN FOR  NOW.

Such a long few months...

So I have not written forever... it has been a rough few months for me and my family. Since I wrote last a lot has happened to us. A couple days before I was about to find out about if I was pregnant or not I started bleeding and so i went to the Dr. office and they took my blood and found out that I was pregnant and my levels would either go up or down from there. I knew in my mind that I was probabaly miscarrying but my family kept saying, "Stay Positive!" I tried to but I kept bleeding and bleeding and went in to the Dr. a couple of days later and found out that i had been pregnant but had miscarried! Quint surprised me by taking me to a hotel downtown just the two of us. We had a very special time together because we were hurting so bad. We went to dinner at a chinese restaraunt at the gateway and went and saw inception. We went and got dessert and went and watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs! We just had a good night and tried to heal a little bit from the miscarriage. This had been very hard for both of us and it has taken time to heal from this.We have had shed many tears over this because we want a child so badly. We want jaxten to have a  sibling, I can say god was with me the whole time and he lifted me the whole way and i know that he was there for me. My mom and dad were great and they helped me more than they know. My dad was such a sweetheart about the whole thing and he cried with me and felt my pain. My parents felt all of the pain that we dealt with losing the babies. My brother's were very sweet about the whole thing and they held me up the whole way and they helped the best that they could with the whole situation and I cried with them too! My brother brad really has helped me with the whole ordeal and he has been really great ! I could have not done it without my family and friends and the lord! MY ward and neighbors were really supportive as well this is def not something i would wish upon anyone~ So I took it a day at a time and slowly healed from it and I am still sad but this will make me stronger! I learned I need to have more faith and it is in god's hands. That is for sure and I know he carried me through this literally carried me!

So here is my cute nephew who was born at the end of August. This is Jeff's son that he had. He was born in lackland airbase and we do not get see him for 9 months which is really sad. My brother is in the airforce and he just moved to Florida with his wife candice. She has been alone alot because of jeff's training! I feel bad for her but she is a strong person for raising a baby in a new state. They are a super cute family!!!!!

So it was my anniversary at the end of July, it has been five years already that is so crazy how time flies by. Quint really tests me and makes me be a better person and does not let me just sit there he really pushes me to be a better person and mother to my little guy. I can tell you that I will never ever take jaxten for granted he is so special to me and i feel so blessed to have him as part of my family. He is really starting to talk a lot he really makes me laugh. He tells me that my butt is a crane thanks jaxten how rude! He is definitely the light of my life i love him sooo much. So I decided to dive right back into invitro and wanted to have my frozen embryos implanted. So the last month and a half i have been taking shots and taking estradiol pills and trying to get my uterine lining bulked up so i will be ready to implant the embryos.  This cycle has been much better on my body and way less stressful. We did not know if the embryos would even survive the thaw and we were very luck they both did and that usually does not happen. we were very blessed in that aspect.  I went in to the Dr. yesterday and they talked with us and implanted both of the embryos we got to see them on a big tv and that was really interesting. They did not have that last time we went in to the clinic. They gave us a picture of the embryos again and so we have that little memory to have. So i feel a little about this cycle but i am trying to stay calm and have faith in the lord and I know if it is his will it will work out in the end. i am on bed rest for the weekend and it is kind of boring but it will be well worth it. I hope it works but only time will tell.

Quint applied for a new job and he would work mon-fri and have weekends off and all holidays we will find out next week if he gets it or not. We will see... Sorry such a long post I could even say more!

LONG TIME NO POST

OK I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID NOT WRITE WHEN THEY DID THE EMBRYO TRANSFER SO I WILL START THERE.  SO WE WENT TO THE DR. LAST THURSDAY FOR THE EMBRYO TRANSFER. I HAD A NERVOUS BREAK DOWN THAT MORNING. I WAS SO NERVOUS THAT IT WOULD NOT WORK.  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 SO THAT WAS GOOD THAT WE HAD THE TWO. SO THE DR. WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE STILL WANTED TWO. HECK YES! SO THE NURSE TOOK ME BACK AND TOLD ME TO CHANGE. SO QUINT AND I PUT OUR GOWNS ON, MASKS, BOOTIES, AND HAIR NETS. WE LOOKED GOOD! LOL SO I WENT IN AND THEY PUT WARMING BLANKETS ON ME AND THE NURSE DID AN ULTRA SOUND ON MY STOMACH WHILE THE EMBRYOLOGIST GAVE US A PICTURE OF OUR FUTURE KIDS. I HELD ON TO THAT TIGHT! THE EMBRYOLOGIST ASKED US 5 TIMES OUR INFO SO THEY DID NOT MIX ANYTHING UP.  SO THE DR. CLEANED EVERYTHING UP AND THEN TOOK THE EMBRYOS IN AND I THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL THEM BUT I DID NOT. IT WAS KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE BUT NOT A HUGE DEAL. HE INSERTED THE EMBRYO'S AND THEN THE EMBRYOLOGIST CHECKED WITH THE MICROSCOPE SO SEE IF THE EMBRYOS WERE IN AND THEY WERE! THEY SENT ME HOME AND I RESTED THAT DAY.  I WAS SO NERVOUS! DID IT WORK? DID IT NOT WORK? AAAAH THIS IS SO HARD. I AM TRYING TO HAVE FAITH BUT IT IS SO HARD. SO MY MOM TOOK JAXTEN THURSDAY AND QUINT'S MOM TOOK HIM FRIDAY.  QUINT TOOK HIM TO THE ZOO WITH GABBY ON SATURDAY.  SO I WAS GOING CRAZY ON BED REST BUT IT IS NOW OVER.

SO TODAY I WENT TO LIBERTY PARK WITH MY MOM, JAXTEN, HANNAHM=, AND SERRA. IT WAS A GOOD DAY. WE WENT ON THE SLIDES, HAD A PICNIC, WENT ON SOME RIDES. WHICH WERE PRETTY GHETTO. FUNNY PICS COMING SOON. SO THIS WHOLE TIME NOT KNOWING IF OR IF NOT IS SO HARD FOR ME. I AM GOING NUTS AND I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SOMETIMES. I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE BUT I HAVE A COPING MECHANISM THAT IT WILL HURT LESS IF I AM WHEN I FIND OUT.  I AM SO SCARED AND I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN TAKE IT IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT. MY GOAL IS TO HAVE FAITH BECAUSE I CANNOT DO ANYMORE. IT IS UP TO GOD AND I NEED TO LEAVE IT TO HIM. WHICH IS VERY HARD FOR ME! I KNOW WHEN I AM GETTING MY ANSWER BUT I AM NOT LETTING ANYONE ELSE KNOW.  MY MOM KNOWS BUT THAT IS IT. SO THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS AND I HOPE THAT MY ANSWER IS GOOD AND I HOPE THAT I CAN GET A BREAK.  I JUST CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE PAIN. WISH ME LUCK...

EGG EXTRACTION DAY

SO I TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST ON FRIDAY AROUND NOON AND IT WAS POSITIVE ALMOST IMMEDIETLY. I TOLD QUINT I WAS PREGNANT, I KNOW MEAN THING TO DO. SO JAXTEN SLEPT IN UNTIL 11AM WHICH HE HAS NEVER EVER DONE IN HIS LIFE. IT WAS GOOD TO SLEEP IN. I WAS VERY SORE TH IS DAY AND I TOOK WORK OFF AND I TRIED TO TAKE IT EASY. I SLEPT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND RESTED UP FOR THE BIG DAY.
I WOKE UP AND TOOK A SHOWER AND GOT MYSELF READY FOR THE DAY.  I HAD TO WAKE JAXTEN UP SO I COULD TAKE H IM TO HIS AUNT KJERSTEN'S HOUSE.  I COULD NOT EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING AFTER 4AM. WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS VERY THIRSTY PROBABALY BECAUSE I KNEW I COULD NOT DRINK. WE GOT TO THE DR'S. AT 9 AM THERE WAS ONE COUPLE IN FRONT OF US. ANGELA WAS MY NURSE FOR THE DAY, SHE TOOK ME BACK AND EXPLAINED WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO IN THE PROCEDURE. I HAD TO PUT A GOWN ON AND BOOTIES AND A CAP FOR MY HAIR. QUINT CAME IN AND SAT WITH ME FOR A WHILE. THEY TOOK ME BACK AND I GOT ON THE TABLE AND THEY PUT SOME REALLY WARM BLANKETS ON ME. WHICH I LOVED~!!! THEN THEY NUMBED MY ARM U P AND PUT IN VERCED TO MAKE ME KIND OF LOOPY. THEN I REMEMBER THEM PUTTING A OXYGEN MASK ON ME AND NEXT THING I KNOW I AM OUT OF SURGERY. I DID NOT EVEN KNOW THEY HAD STARTED. THE NURSE TOLD ME THAT THEY GOT 33 EGGS. WHICH IS UNHEARD OF, SO THAT MADE ME FEEL GOOD. I OVERWHELMED THEM WITH ALL OF MY EGGS. I WAS VERY SORE SO THEY GAVE ME MORE DEMORAL FOR THE PAIN. I GOT H OME AND TOOK A BATH AND RESTED THE WHOLE DAY. I TOOK SOMETHING FOR PAIN AND JUST RESTED. I WAS VERY SORE AND DECIDED TO EAT CHEESE POPCORN NOT VERY SMART TO DO!!!LOL! I STARTED THROWING UP, NOT SO FUN. QUINT WENT TO LUNCH WITH JACE AND WENT TO TOY STORY WITH JAXTEN AND MY MOM. HE DID PRETTY WELL! THAT WAS HIS FIRST MOVIE EVER. QUINT GAVE ME PHENEGREN FOR NAUSIA AND I HAD RAMEN FOR DINNER. WHICH HIT THE SPOT FOR ME. RAYLENE RUSSELL CAME OVER AND BROUGHT ME DINNER AND WAS ASKING ABOUT THE PROCEDURE. I WENT AND TOOK ANOTHER NAP FOR THE NIGHT. IT WAS A GOOD AND BAD DAY!
TODAY I RESTED TIL ABOUT 11AM AND QUINT TOOK JAXTEN TO HIS MOM'S HOUSE AND SHE WATCHED H IM SO WE COULD REST. THEY COOKED US DINNER AND THEN QUINT DROPPED ME OFF AT MY MOM'S HOUSE. THE NURSE CALLED AND SAID OF THE 33 EGGS THAT SURVIVED 22 WERE MATURE. OUT OF THE 22 EGGS 5 HAD DIED LEAVING US 16. WHICH IS STILL A HIGH NUMBER! THEY ARE PLANNING ON IMPLANTING THEM ON THURSDAY WHICH IS A BLASOCYST STAGE AND THAT IS A 100 CELLS. 1 OF MY EGGS ONLY HAD MY DNA, 1 HAD ONLY QUINT'S DNA, AND ONE HAD TOO MUCH DNA, AND THE OTHER TWO DIED OFF. I AM PRAYING FOR THEM TO KEEP SURVIVING AND HOPING FOR TWO! BUT ATLEAST ONE BABY. I HOPE I H OPE THIS WILL WORK. WE ARE LUCKY TO GET SO MANY EGGS. MY DR. SAID I HADD 3X'S AS MANY AS MOST PEOPLE. YES!!!!!

TRIGGER DAY

BIRTH CONTROL AND LUPRON SHOTS

TRIGGER SHOT

SKIN REACTION TO MEDICATION

MY NIFTY ALCOHOL WIPES

MY NEEDLES THAT I DREW MY MEDICINE WITH.PROGESTERONE SUPPLEMENT

SO TODAY WAS A BIG DAY FOR ME. I FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE ABOUT 6 BIG EGGS AND I COULD DO MY TRIGGER SHOT TODAY. QUINT WENT WITH ME BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN FEELING REALLY DIZZY LATELY. MY OVARIES ARE SO BIG THEY ARE ALMOST TOUCHING EACHOTHER. I WENT TO BREAKFAST THIS MORNING YUMMY! WE PICKED UP JAXTEN FROM MY MOM'S HOUSE AND HEADED HOME FOR THE DAY. I AM VERY SORE TODAY AND I AM HAVING HOT FLASHES!!! HEATHER CALLED ME AND TOLD ME TO TAKE MY MED AT 10:30 PM ON THE DOT. SHE GAVE ME INSTRUCTIONS FOR MY SURGERY ON SATURDAY. I AM SCHEDULED FOR 9:30 AM AND I AM PRAYING THAT THEY WILL GET SOME GOOD EGGS. THIS REALLY HAS BEEN HELL THIS YEAR FOR US SO I AM PRAYING THAT THIS WILL BRING US SOME GOOD EGGS AND EMBRYO'S. I DID THE SHOT AND THE TIME I WAS SUPPOSE TO SO NOW IT IS NOT UP TO ME. I DID EVERYTHING THAT I COULD WITH THE MEDICATION. IT IS NOW OUT OF MY HANDS AND I NEED TO TRUST MY DRS. SO HEATHER IS NOT GOING TO BE THERE AND THAT MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE I HAVE REALLY BECOME ATTACHED TO HER. KIND OF SOUNDS WIERD BUT SHE GOT ME THROUGH THIS. RCC HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE AND I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE BEST CARE I POSSIBLY COULD EVER GET. THEY HAVE MADE THIS EXPERIENCE GOOD SO FAR!!!! I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON MY PROGRESS.

DAY 25-27

SO THESE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY HARD ON MY BODY! I HAVE BEEN CRAMPING SOOO BAD AND I FEEL LIKE MY OVARIES ARE GOING TO EXPLODE. I GOT A BREAK FROM THE DR. ON MONDAY AND QUINT AND I WENT TO LUNCH AND WE SAW ECLIPSE AGAIN!!!!! IT WAS FUN! IT IS NICE TO GET AWAY BY YOURSELF EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.

I HAD AN APPT. ON TUESDAY AND I PASSED OUT AT THE DR. OFFICE. THEY HAD ME LAY ON THEIR COUCH AND DRINK SOME JUICE. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I WAS SO DIZZY THAT DAY. THEY TREATED ME VERY GOOD. I WENT TO WORK NOT FEELING VERY GOOD BUT I LASTED THROUGH THE DAY. WE WENT TO QUINT'S DAD HOUSE AND I GOT A BLESSING FROM JACE, JON, AND QUINT. THAT WAS NICE TO HAVE, WE THEN WENT TO EAT SOME PIZZA WHICH WAS YUMMY!!!! I WENT TO BED WHEN I GOT HOME BECAUSE I WAS SORE.

SO TODAY I HAD A DR.  APPT AND THE EGGS ARE STILL NOT BIG ENOUGH. SO I WENT AND BOUGHT ONE DOSE FOR TONIGHT.  I WENT TO THE PHARMACY AND THEN WENT BACK TO THE DR. OFFICE TO PAY. THEN I WENT TO THE DI AND GOT US SUBWAY FOR LUNCH.  DR. HATASAKA TOLD ME MY EUTERUS LOOKS VERY GOOD! SO TONIGHT I WAS GIVING MY MEDS TO MYSELF I SPILLED IT ALL OVER MY MOM'S COUNTER. I HAVE AN ANXIETY PANICK ATTACK. IT IS AFTER HOURS AND I NEED MEDICINE SO I CALL THE AFTER HOURS NUMBER AND THEY HAD ME TALK TO HEATHER AND SHE TOLD ME TO HEAD UP THERE AND SHE WOULD DONATE SOME MEDICATION TO ME. WHICH WAS VERY NICE, I FELT VERY BAD!!!! TRAFFIC WAS HORRIBLE, MY MOM DROVE ME BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I WAS LIGHT HEADED AGAIN. HEATHER GAVE ME A SHOT AT THE OFFICE AND THEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AND CAME BACK TO MY PARENT'S HOUSE. MY DAD GAVE ME A BLESSING AS WELL AND THEN I CAME BACK HOME. I KNOW THIS WILL TEACH ME A LESSON AND I KNOW IT WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST. I AM THINKING MY EGGS WILL BE READY TOMORROW AND WE WILL HAVE THE SURGERY ON SATURDAY.  I HOPE THAT THEY GROW SOME TONIGHT AND WE WILL BE GOOD. I HOPE WE GET SOME GOOD EGGS THAT WILL GROW US SOME BABIES. I HOPE!!!!

DAY 22-24

SO THIS WEEKEND HAS NOT BEEN SO FUN! I WENT ON FRIDAY TO MY DR. APPT AND THE EGGS WERE 10MM AND THEY NEEDED SOME GROWING TO DO. MY ESTRODIAL LEVEL WAS 350 THAT DAY. I GOT THE WORST HEADACHE IN MY LIFE. IT TURNED INTO A MIGRAINE. QUINT WORKED THAT NIGHT SO MY MOM TOLD ME TO STAY OVER AND MY DAD COULD GIVE ME SOME MEDICATION AND SHE WOULD WATCH JAXTEN. I TALKED TO DR. HATASAKA THAT NIGHT AND HE TOLD ME TO TAKE IMMATREX. I WAS ZONKED FROM THE PHENEGREN SHOT MY DAD GAVE ME. WHICH HURT REALLY BAD BY THE WAY... MY BUTT IS STILL SORE. THE NEXT DAY WE HAD A SWIMMING PARTY AND I TOOK JAXTEN SWIMMING AND HE HAD A GOOD TIME. THEN QUINT WORKED AGAIN LAST NIGHT AND I WATCHED "REMEMBER ME." I CRIED AT THE END! THEN I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS DATING ROBERT PATTINSON. MY BRAIN DREAMS WIERD THINGS!!! TODAY I HAD ANOTHER DR. APPT AND MY EGGS ARE 13MM TODAY. I WAS HOPING TO STOP MY MEDICATION. NOPE, I HAVE TO GO BACK ON TUESDAY FOR ANOTHER CHECK. THEY ARE THINKING EITHER THURSDAY OR FRIDAY TO TAKE MY EGGS OUT. WELL I HOPE THEY KEEP ON GROWING. MY ESTRODIAL LEVEL IS 1400. SO THAT IS WHY I AM GETTING MY HEADACHES!!!! USUALLY YOUR LEVELS ARE AT 10 NORMALLY. SO IT WILL JUST GET WORSE. LOL. I AM GIVING JAXTEN A BATH RIGHT NOW SO I BETTER HURRY AND WASH HIM.

DAY 20-21

SO LAST NIGHT WAS A TRAUMATIC NIGHT FOR ME. YOU HAVE TO MIX HCG, LUPRON, AND FEMARA PERFECTLY. I HATE MIXING MY MEDS BECAUSE IT STRESSES ME OUT SOOOO BAD. SO QUINT USUALLY DOES IT. LAST NIGHT HE WAS AT SCHOOL SO I WAS BEING REALLY CAREFUL TO GET ALL THE MEASUREMENTS RIGHT. I WASH ON MY 4TH BOTTLE OF FEMERA AND TRYING TO GET ALL OF THE MEDICINE OUT OF THE BOTTLE AND IT LEAKS OUT OF THE NEEDLE AND I KNOW I LOST SOME MEDICINE. ONE SHOT IS $200.00 SO I DID NOT GET ALL OF MY DOSE. I AM FREAKING OUT THINKING I RUINED MY WHOLE CYCLE. SO I DO THE SHOT AND MY STOMACH SWELLS LIKE NO OTHER. IT IS SOOOO PAINFUL. YES, USUALLY THE STICKS HURT BUT THIS LASTED A 4 HOURS. I PUT ICE ON IT AND IT HURT SO BAD. QUINT TOLD ME I HIT A CAPILLARY IN MY STOMACH. FEELS MUCH BETTER TODAY.  YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE DR. FOR MY BLOOD TEST AND ULTRASOUND. MY RIGHT OVARY IS GETTING TO A SLOW START. IT ONLY HAS ABOUT FIVE EGGS AND MY LEFT HAS ABOUT 10. WE LOST THREE EGGS, SAD!!! HE SAID IT LOOKS GOOD AND TO KEEP ON MY MEDICINE. QUINT WILL BE DOING THAT TODAY.  I DO NOT LIKE MIXING THE MEDICATION. THE LAB CALLED ME YESTERDAY AND SAID MY LEVELS WERE AT 151 SO THAT IS  A GOOD NUMBER.

I WENT TO ECLIPSE WITH MY FRIENDS AND IT WAS SOOOO FUN!!!! I LOVED IT. WAS MY FAVORITE OF ALL THREE MOVIES. WE WENT TO THE 12:30 AM SHOWING. I GOT ABOUT 2 HOURS OF SLEEP AND DID GOOD YESTERDAY. I ATE LOTS OF SUGAR. THEN I CRASHED AND BURNED LAST NIGHT AND WENT TO BED AROUND 9PM. IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. I HAD A DR. APPT EARLY AND WORK ALL DAY. LOL. I AM MUCH BETTER TODAY.

SO I HAVE A DR. APPT TODAY AND I WILL BE LATE TO WORK BUT AFTER THAT WE WILL SEE HOW THE DAY GOES. I AM GLAD TO FINALLY BE DONE WITH WORK THIS WEEK.  SO WE WILL SEE HOW TODAY GOES... QUINT IS TURNING 31 TOMORROW AND WE BOTH HAVE DR. APPTS. SO WE WILL SEE IF MY EGGS ARE GROWING TOMORROW. PLUS I AM GETTING MY HAIR COLORED YAAAAAAAAH!

Day 19

So today was an ok day at work actually kind of slow day.... I am so super excited I am going to midnight showing of eclipse with cammie, karie, and charissa. We are even wearing our twilight shirts. I will post pictures!!! I am getting really excited. I have a dr. appt tomorrow at 8:15 so i am going to be dead at work tomorrow. o well it will be worth the show. They test me again tomorrow and do another ultra sound. I am getting nervous~~ I did my shot tonight and it is not too bad. Quint mixes the drugs for me because it is too stressful for me to do it and I still inject the shots into my stomach. I think I only have to do that until monday. I hope that my numbers are up tomorrow. We will see. I am having horrible headaches from the medication. Fun side effect! I am sooooooo excited for this I really hope this works!!!!!

Day 17-18

YESTERDAY WE WENT TO CHURCH AND MY VISITING TEACHERS CAME OVER.PRETTY QUIET BORING DAY. I HAVE  NOT BEEN WANTING TO WRITE BUT I PROMISED MY SELF I WOULD WRITE WHILE GOING THROUGH INVITRO.
TODAY I GOT MY NAILS DONE AND I HAD TO GET MY BLOOD DRAWN. MY ESTROIDAL LEVEL SHOULD BE AT A 100 AND IT IS AT 50. THEY INCREASED MY MEDS TO SEE IF THAT HELPS. THAT IS STRESSING ME OUT REALLY BAD. I HOPE THE INCREASE HELPS WITH MY BODY. AHHHH I AM FREAKING OUT.
I WENT TO LEATHERBY'S WITH QUINT AND JAXTEN AND IT WAS YUMMY. WELL OFF TO BED... SORRY SO SHORT!

Day 16

Today was saturday so I cleaned all this morning. I mowed the back lawn and mopped, did laundry, and cleaned my upstairs. I got quite a bit done this morning. So that was a good thing. I decided to get Jaxten's hair cut and I usually take him to cookie cutters but they were busy so I took him to great clips. Not s uch a good idea. He screamed and kicked and the lady was going all slow. I was thinking, " Hurry it u p he is two and does not have much patience!" He did not have s uch a pleasant experience. 
We went to my mom's in the afternoon I tried to swim with Jaxten but my mom's pool heater is broken so it was much too cold for a swim.  Jaxten took a nap for 4 hours and so did Quint and I. I mixed my shot today and it was a lot harder than quint made it look yesterday. I was all stressing out. He still had to help me. I wanted to the shot myself and I did. My dad did not like me lifting my shirt up in front of him.  It's not like I was taking my shirt off. lol. It was my stomach, and I did not swell as bad with this shot.  We had KFC for dinner and took Jaxten on the rides at T-ville days. I will  post pictures when i get them on my computer. He went on some cars, bugs that fly in the air, spaceships, Monster trucks, Two different train tracks. On one of them they had to stop the ride because he was standing up.lol.  We went on the merry go round. Quint had to leave early and my mom met me down at the rides and we got some dip n' dots and went up to my mom's  house for fireworks. Jaxten really liked them and some family from my parents ward sat on their lawn and Jaxten was cuddling with some guy and making himself at home. He kept calling him daddy. It was pretty embarassing. Quint is playing cards at my brothers right now. I went to my appt. and they think I have 17-18 eggs but we will see how many grow. I go back on monday for bloodwork and wednesday for a vaginal ultrasound and more blood work. This is crazy that the implantation is coming up so fast. So good so far, I am just trying to keep faith. Thats all I can do!!!!

DAY 15

TODAY WAS A BIG DAY!!!! I HAD MY SUPRESSION CHECK TODAY AND WENT REALLY WELL. THEY TESTED MY BLOOD AND DR. HATASAKA DID A VAGINAL ULTRASOUND ON ME.  I GOT TO SEE MY UTERUS ON THE MONITOR IT WAS PRETTY COOL. MY UTERUS LOOKED REALLY GOOD. HE SAID, " MT UTERUS COULD NOT LOOK ANY BETTER!' YAAAAAH! THENT HE LOOKED AT MY LEFT OVARIE AND THERE WERE ABOUT 7 EGGS OR SO. MY RIGHT OVARY HAS ATLEAST TEN AT THIS POINT SO THAT IS GOOD NEWS. I START THREE MEDICATIONS TODAY. HCG,LUPRON, AND FEMERA. (THE EGG GROWING MEDS) I HAVE TO MIX IT PERFECTLY SO QUINT IS GOING TO HELP ME WITH THAT.  SO I HOPE MY BODY DOES NOT HAVE BAD REACTIONS AND I WILL BE GOOD. IT IS GETTING CLOSER SO THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. SO THE NEWS IS GOOD SO FAR. YAAAAH. I AM TRYING TO HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD THAT IT WILL WORK.  I HOPE I HOPE THIS WORKS!!!!

Day 13-14

Ahhh.... I have been really bad at writing everyday so I apologize!!! So yesterday was the first day of my new hire at work. She seems to be doing really well so far so that makes me really happy. I was a little worried but I think I found the right one.  I dropped Jaxten off at Kjersten's house and I left for work.  I got there and was pretty busy all day.  It was a pretty good day at work.  I was worried because i stopped my birthcontrol on the 18th and then I was supposed to have a period and I did not get it until yesterday and I thought it would throw off whole cycle.  My shots are starting to hurt more and more because my stomach is sick of all the sticks!!!! I read a book took a bath it was a good day.

Today is thursday and I headed off to work in the morning.  I was worried because I have been having a RCT done and this was my third appointment. This tooth was difficult. I had a huge honkin cold sore from being worked on last time. So my tooth did not get numb easily so he had to give me 6 carpules of anes. my tooth is retarded. Then my dad numbed my left and right side of lip so I could not feel the cold sore.  The left side came unnumb 30 minutes into procedure.  So he put super glue on the cold sore and that made it feel much better. My appointment took over two hours to finish. ahh i am glad it is done with. I got a cashier's check for the rest of the money we owe and then picked up jaxten and went to taylorsville days. He went on cars, merry go round, big slide, train, and much more.... he had a blast. He had a lot of fun. My shot tonight felt not so good. "I have some nice burning around the injection sight.  Tomorrow is a big day. My supression appt. where they see if my ovaries have been shut down. If they have I go to three shots a day to make my eggs grow! Wish me luck!

Day 11-12

Ummmmmm.... I have to think about yesterday. oh yes, Quint and I had an appt. to sign a bunch of paper work for the invitro.  It took from 9:30-12pm. Which is a while for paper work.  I feel like we are signing our life away.  We talked with some named Michelle for part of our paper work.  She went over a big part of the two cycle package that we are paying for.  We gave the billing department $13,000 in cash.  The lady said, " Have you heard of a check?" I was thinking have you heard of an audit!  So that took a while to count our cash.  We still owe about $4,000 and I am going to pay that on Friday at my appointment.  After that we met with Heather Riley to finish up signing consent forms and then we went home and picked Jaxten up from my mom's house.  I slept over at her house the night before so I did not have to wake Jaxten up way early.  My mom made us breakfast of french toast and bacon which was very good! I did some house work and took a nap and I hired a girl on at the office.

Today I had work which I did not want to go to.  Oh well such is life, Today was acutally a busy day at work so it went by pretty fast.  After work I got the rest of the money from Quint's parents then Quint had to leave for work. So I really did not see him today. This is his last Tuesday for his second job.  Today Jaxten had a Dr. appoitment. He is 50th % for heighth, 25% for weight and his head is still huge.  Jaxten's dr. said he is glad to see his Kindergartenders know the stuff that Jaxten knows. He feels like he is really smart.  So that makes me happy.

I am getting more and more excited for the invitro I want it to get closer.  I really hope it works!!!! I am putting my faith in the lord on this one. Quint thinks it is going to be a boy if I get pregnant.  We will see? I just want jaxten to have a friend to play with.  He deserves that much, my shot today did not feel so good but I am getting used to them. imagine that????

My Fertiliy specialist is Dr. Hatasaka, My pediatritcian- Dr. Terashima, My OBGYN- Dr. Yamashiro. I hope this man makes me a miracle baby!

Day 10

So today was Father's day!!!!! I let quint sleep all day because he works tonight.  He really enjoyed that, I got him some pants and shirts and a book that his dad gave him last night.  The same one so I had to take it back.  We had dinner at my mom's and there was drama there.  I like how when you have to do shots people are rude to you because it is inconvenient~~~ "I am sorry my shots don't fit into your schedule!" I was very upset and people can just be huge asses on this subject.  Sorry of my langugage but it angers me!!!! Quint calmed me down and we played some games tonight as a family. That was a lot of fun!!! My cousin and aunt came over today as well. It was good to see them.  I have this nasty hive type rash on my arms and it really itches.  i am not sure if my meds are causing it or what but it is not fun.  Jaxten totally freaked out and he did not want a bath and was being his normal tantrum thrower.  I just stay calm with him and try to calm him. We are going to sign all of our forms tomorrw and we are going to pay.  Yikes
I hope this works.....

Day 8 -9

Ok I was bad last night and I was too tired to write.  Yesterday I went shopping the morning with Jaxten for groceries.  Which, by the way, he was really good yesterday.  I went to my sister-in-law babies shower last night.  It was hard to go to, but I am happy for her so good luck to her.  Baby shower's are always hard though.  Jaxten had a lot of fun with all of the other kids there.  Somehow he got sick from something last night.  He threw up in the night and then in the morning and has diarhea.  he is pretty miserable. 

So my meds are not agreeing with my stomach.  i feel like I am going to throw up and that is not a good feeling.  I do not want t he shot tonight.  oh well.... you gotta do it~ I feel crappy today but I am not sure if it is a bug or if it is my medication.  We are going to dinner tonight at Quint's Mom house for dinner.  So that should be interesting. We are trying to gather the money up while we have to pay for invitro this week. About $17,000.

Day 7

Ok So today was my last day of work for this week which makes me happy.  I am having super crazy dreams while I am on this Lupron.  I mean CRAZY! My brain is thinking of some funny stuff.  So work was actually pretty slow today.  It kind of drug on.  I went and got my last cashier check for invitro we have to pay the $17,000 on monday so we are saving up as much as we can.  We have really sacrificed a lot to do this procedure.  Quint has been working two jobs plus he is going to school.  I have made him quit the second job as it is getting closer.  It is too much for him to handle.  So this new schedule will be better.  We have saved about 10,000 in three months and then we are borrowing the rest from our parents. It will be well worth it in the end we hope.  I feel nausiated right now again for some reason.  I do not like this feeling. So jaxten is getting to be so funny.  He is at the funnest age. 
Tomorrow is my last day on birth control. yaaaaaaah! I go on the 25th for my supression check.  Then I start all my next medications for this.   I really pray and hope this works.  This has been so hard for me to deal with.  I just want atleast one sibling for Jaxten.  This really makes you appreciate your kids so much more!!!!

DAY 6

So Today I felt a little nauseated I threw up at work and so that was fun.  Other than that it was a pretty normal day.  I went to work and had a pretty normal day, Quint came by and gave me some lunch because we were running really behind.
I had a root canal done on my tooth today.  My tooth would not get numb. I did an interview on a girl today and I really liked her.  I did my lupron shot tonight again.  I kind of look forward to each night I do this because it is one day closer to my implantation date. We pray everyday for a baby that will be blessed with our home.  We really would love twins!!!! I know it would be hard but so rewarding to both of us.  We are still waiting on our house.... it is taking forever!!
So I have a ton of Dr. appointments coming up so I am trying to arrange baby sitters for Jaxten.  He is such a bear these last couple of days.  I think his ear is hurting him still we will see. well I am trying to keep hope and stay positive. I am getting more excited, I can't wait til the blood test! Well I am going to finish the book, "Eclipse". The movie is on the 29th and i am super excited.

Day 5

So today is a huge day for me well last night was!!!! I was thinking in my head what if quint can't do my shot one night? I thought, "Well maybe my dad can." Then I came to the conclusion that I need to do it myself.  I went in the bathroom and said , "Quint how do I do this?" He told me what degree to go in at and I did it!!! This was a huge feat for me, I am so deathly afraid of needles.  I just did the shot again tonight and it was not bad at all. Quint looked at me like I am crazy but I am  now a shot giver!!!!
This morning was a little rocky at work but it ended up being a pretty good day. I went to work and was pretty busy.  Quint got called off tonight and we went to my mom's house a nd had a steak dinner.  Which was very yummy!!!!I played with Jaxten outside then he kept following my dad around the pool helping him.  I was worried he would fall in pool so I took him swimming for the first time this summer. He absolutely loved it!!! He kicked and blew bubbles and he jumped to me in the pool.  We ended the night with strawberry shortcake. mmmmmmm. Pretty good day!
Day 5 of lupron is done and over with....

Day 4

So today was a pretty good day! I took Jaxten to the aquiarium and I went to the mall and had  lunch with my mom.  jaxten had a lot of fun today.
I am still not feeling sick so that is good! I did something huge today!!!!! I gave myself a shot and that may not seem like a big deal to some but to me it was huge! I am very afraid of needles and this was a very big deal.  It was not too bad! So i did get my normal swelling from the injection sight but other than that I am feeling pretty good.  Other than our disagreement tonight today was a good day.  Quint and I are in a very stressful situation so sometimes we are not as nice as we should be to each other.  i am getting nervous for the other shots!!!! well off to bed....

Day 3

So I feel much better today. I am not throwing up or having other stomach issues.  I am just a little crazy right now. The lupron is definitely messing with my hormones.  Last night I went to my brother's farewell party because he is joining the airforce and there were a couple of pregnant people there.  The thing with IVF that makes me upset is the fact that know really gets what it is like to not be able to have kids. It is the most painful thing ever. I am glad for people who get pregnant but it is hard to be around that at the same time.
This morning, Quint said " you need to learn to do shots yourself." I kind of got really mad at him and he is just hysterically laughing at how mad I am and that makes me madder! Then I start bawling right after that so I can definitely tell how the hormones are affecting my body. I laugh when I look back at how my hormones are.
I feel so blessed that I can actually do this procedure. I am putting my faith in the lord that I hope that it works out in the end.  I am trying so hard to be positive! I will not lie, it takes ever fiber in my body to do this.  I hope that if i have strength to do this I will be a much better person in the end. The shot today was not too bad. I only have one month left before they implant embryos!!!!!! I am excited.....
So Jaxten was not a happy camper today. He has double ear infections with his tubes in. He is miserable poor little guy! I do not like it when he is not feeling himself it breaks my heart! I love him so much and will NEVER EVER take him for granted!!!!!!  

Day 2

So I woke up with horrible nausia and I had diarhea from my lupron so that made me happy. I am sure you do not want to know that but I am being completely honest and blunt. So this morning I woke up and dropped Jaxten off a Kjersten's house. She watched him for me while I went to an Invitro meeting that was mandatory.  Jaxten was not happy to be woken up so early today.
on my way to the meeting I ate some hash browns and orange juice because I thought it would help my stomach.  During our little class I was dying and I was trying to not throw up.  I was having hot flashes and i could not focus on what the Nurse practitioner was saying.  Then in the middle of class I had to throw up my orange juice and hash browns.  Quint and I left the meeting early because they were teaching us a bout shots and Quint already knows a bout that stuff. We talked to the billing department and they said it would be about $17,000 for the packaged deal.  So we went home and I picked up JAxten's new dresser I got him and we put it up in his room.  For lunch I got pizza so I will she if I can keep it down.... Jaxten calls pepperoni, "chuck a boni." That made me really laugh so i am going to take a nap to see if my stomach will settle. It's my parent's 40th anniversary today by the way so a big day today.

Day 1

Ok So I promised my self that I would write on my blog every day so I can have my feelings of going through this all down on paper. I have been so scared and excited about this day since we found out we can't get pregnant. Today was day one of my Lupron! I was so nervous because I do not like needles but Quint is giving me all of my shots since he is a RN. I trust him a lot more than I do myself. I do not like poking my self. He used a insullin needle that was about 1/2 inch so not to bad. I did not even feel him poke me. Then My stomach started swelling at the injection site. Quint said I hope it does get worse. Then at that point I freaked out! Then I read that a side affect of Lupron is redness at injection site. It went away within the hour. So day 1 is down so good so far. I will keep you updated. We have an invitro meeting tomorrow where we  sign our lives a way. I will write more then...

So today has been a really hard day for me. The reason is because of my lovely birth control and I have depression after I had Jaxten. It never seemed to go away.  Unless you have felt it you do not know what it is like to feel down for no reason. The other night, I was crying and laughing at the same time for noooo reason! I tend to do worse at night when I am alone which has been a lot lately since Quint is working his life away.  I Just try to do my best but sometimes I just feel so drained. This in vitro is very draining just not knowing what will go on in the end.  This stresses me out like crazy because if you know me well you know that I have to plan things 1 million years out in my life. lol
My nurse yesterday talked to me about in vitro and she really helped me because she has actually gone through it. I have not talked to anyone besides her who has actually done in vitro. She gave me a support group that I can go to so I think that I am going to do that.
My dad is in Europe for two weeks so that means we do not have any patients and it is making the weeks go my pretty slow.  I am used to fast paced work. I guess it is good to have a break every once in a while.
So there was a women who killed her four year old son. This makes me sooooo angry! Here I am working my butt off trying to get a baby and someone does this to their child! It makes me want to throw up. Anyways... Writing helps my depression so sorry if I am not the most happy person right now but I am just trying to be a survivor of all of this!

DAY THREE...

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SO TODAY I HAVE BEEN ON THE BIRTH CONTROL FOR THREE DAYS.  IT IS NOT TREATING ME WELL JUST AS I REMEMBER.  WHEN I WAS ON BIRTH CONTROL WHEN I FIRST WAS MARRIED I WAS NOT A PLEASANT GIRL! I WAS EITHER BAWLING OR MAD! MY DR. TOLD ME TO STAY AWAY FROM BIRTH CONTROL BECAUSE IT MESSES WITH MY HORMONES TOO MUCH. MUCH TO MY DISMAY, I AM ON IT BY FORCE. LOL. IT IS MAKING MY BODY REALLY SICK. I'LL LEAVE THAT TO YOU BUT IT IS NOT FUN.  O WELL- NO COMPLAINING IT IS THE SACRIFICE I AM WILLING TO MAKE.
SO I CALLED MY PHARMACY FOR ALL MY MEDS I HAVE TO TAKE.  THE GRAND TOTAL WAS 2700 DOLLARS.  SO QUINT SAID, " HAVE YOU SHOPPED AROUND?" I RESPONDED, NOT REALLY SO MY NURSE AT THE FERTILITY CLINIC FOUND THE SAME MEDS AT ANOTHER SPECIALTY PHARMACY AND SHE GOT THEM FOR 900.00 CHEAPER. THAT IS A BIIIIIIIG PRICE DIFFERENCE. MY NURSE'S NAME IS HEATHER AND SHE HAS BEEN VERY HELPFUL. SHE HAS BEEN GREAT!!!! SO THERE IS A PARTY FOR ALL IVF PATIENT'S THIS MONTH WE ARE PLANNING ON ATTENDING. THEY ARE DOING A RAFFLE FOR 1/2 AND 1,000 DOLLARS OFF WE HOPE WE WIN. WISH US LUCK...

WE TOOK JAXTEN TO THE ZOO TODAY AND HE JUST RAN AROUND THE ZOO LIKE A MAD MAN.  HE DID NOT SIT IN HIS STROLLER ONCE! I DO NOT KNOW WHY I EVEN BROUGHT IT LOL. WE HAD A LITTLE HARNESS WITH A MONKEY ON THE BACK SO HE WOULD STAY CLOSE TO ME.  HE WANTED TO SEE THE SNAKES MOST OF ALL!!! WE WERE THERE ONLY A TWO HOURS. IT WAS A LITTLE CHILLY TODAY. QUINT GOT ME A SEASON PASS FOR MOTHER'S DAY AAAAAAH HOW CUTE! IT WILL BE WORTH WHILE, JAXTEN AND I CAN GO ALLTHE TIME. TODAY WAS A PRETTY GOOD DAY.  WELL I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON MY IVF AS TIME GOES BY. WE NEED ALL THE SUPPORT WE CAN GET!

UPDATE ON THE START OF OUR JOURNEY OF INVITRO

So our journey of invitro of starting to sound a little more real to me.  I have to start birth control tomorrow, Yeah I know what your are thinking. I am trying to get pregnant and they put me on birth control to get pregnant but I guess it is to get your body more regulated. Last time I was on birth control was in 2005 and it was not a pleasant experience.  We will see how my body does on the birth control.  I have to stop taking birth control on June 19th.  I start taking a drug called lupron on June 11th.  I hear that the drugs that I am about to take mess your hormones and body up but that is why we are on a adventure of our lives.  Lupron I guess gets my ovaries ready to creat all of the eggs that we need to get in order to implant them back into my body.

We have a whole calendar basically taking over my body for the next couple of months.  I am very nervous and scared for this whole procedure.  I am not scared of what I have to go through at all.  I am scared it will not work with all of the money that we are putting into this invitro.  With our case we have to have ICSI done. That is when they have to actually inject my egg with a needle to help the sperm get into my egg.  My doctor said all of my tests look really good and my iron levels are up and my uterus is looking really good at this point.  At this point, we have a two year old and it took us a while to get him.  My some miracle of god we got pregnant with him and the Dr.'s say that he is a miracle.  We have about 1% chance of getting pregnant on our own. So we have to use god's science to help us out with that and hopefully that will make our family grow even bigger.  I know I have one and I am very greatful for him but I do want more kids.  After going through what Quint and I have gone through thus far we appreciate him so much more. We love Jaxten with every being of our souls.  It angers me to see people take getting pregnant so easily and not appreciating what a miracle it is to even get pregnant.  No one knows what we are going through.  I just hope with the love of our family and friend's support we can get through this. We pray everyday this will work. I will update on how it goes the further I get along in my drug regimend. Love your family!!!!!

My next two months

So this has been an interesting week for me.  i have truly learned who my true friends are that is for sure. It is funny how people treat you when you are going through something hard.

So We are starting out invitro process this next month.  I am very excited to start this journey that we are going to start next month.  People I talk to tell me that in vitro does not work the first time and you have to do it over and over.  I am trying to have faith that it will work for me.  It makes me very nervous about the whole thing but all I can do is take it one day at a time.  So next month I have to start taking birth control for a couple of weeks. Fuuny when are trying to get a baby.  Then I have to give myself shots every day of lupron until june 25th.  Lupron helps your ovaries get ready for this.  Then I have to take a bunch of other medications by shot to make me create 12-15 eggs and this medicine is called hgc.  So at this point i am doing two different shots a day.  I have to get my blood drawn every day to check my egg developement for a 10-14 day period. Once the eggs are ready I have to give myself a third shot to release the eggs.  Then the Dr. Will put me under anethstesia and go in and take the eggs out and grow the eggs and the sperm for about 5 days and then they will put the two best eggs back into my body and we will see if they end up growing in my uterus.  Which we hope they do. We are hoping that both eggs implant.  So that is a short version when my next two months will be like.So we are praying and hoping that all of the sacrifices we are making will end up with a baby.

JAXTEN THE NAUGHTY

SO JAXTEN HAS BEEN NAUGHTY....

SO YESTERDAY QUINT'S MOM WAS OUTSIDE AND APPARENTLY SHE LOST TRACK OF HIM AND HE HAD GONE DOWN THE STREET TO A NEIGHBORS HOUSE.
LATER THAT DAY, QUINT WAS WATCHING HIM AND FOR A SPLIT SECOND HE COULD NOT FIND HIM AT ALL. HE LOOKED IN THE GARAGE AND FOUND THAT HE HAD PUSHED THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN AND WAS DOWN THE STREET.
THAT SAME NIGHT, OUR ALARM WENT OFF IN MIDDLE OF NIGHT GUESS WHO TRIED TO ESCAPE? JAXTEN HAD TRIED TO LEAVE OUR HOUSE AGAIN!
TODAY WE TOOK HIM TO THE CHILDREN'S MUSUEM. IT IS THE CUTEST PLACE EVER. HE HAD A LOT OF FUN. THEY HAD BALLS THE KIDS COULD PLAY WITH AND HE LOVED THAT. THEY HAD BALLS, WATER, PUZZLES, GROCERY SHOPPING, KITCHEN AREA, AND MUCH MORE... THEY ALSO HAD A HELIPCOPTER THEY COULD CLIMB IT BUT JAXTEN WAS AFRAID OF IT. WHICH TO MY SURPRISE, HE LOVE HELICOPTERS. WE TOOK OUR EYE OFF HIM FOR A SPLIT SECOND AND HE TOOK OFF. WE WERE FREAKED OUT, I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING IT WAS MAYBE ONE OR TWO SECONDS. HE TOOK OFF DOWN THE STAIRS. THEN WE ALL TOOK A NAP THIS AFTERNOON.
QUINT IS WORKING AGAIN~ THIS INVITRO STUFF IS REALLY STRESSFUL ON US. I HOPE IT WILL BE ALL WORTH IT IN THE END.

so here is a little update date on my naughty two year old... I love him to death but he is one hard kid at times to deal with. I pick h im up from sitters house and I fight him with getting his pants on.  He keeps having tantrums all night long. He gets mad he tries throwing things and yelling at me.  It just gets so exhausting when I have to keep fighting his fits. He is a little bear today, he has been acting out since Quint is working so much. What do you do? I guess try to be as patient as you can.  Gotta love two year olds.

So as spring is here it makes me really happy for it to get warm.  So this blog may seem to others that I often am negative on here lately, I do apologize for that.  I am having a very hard time in my life and i am just trying to take one day at a time.  Today I had to go to work and it was a pretty long day for me.  What perterbed me today was when people do not do their share of work . So Quint is working tonight again and it really sucks at times but I know that it will only be for a short while. This invitro is really financially stressful for both of us.

Funny story.... I was at Target yesterday buying a few odds and ends.  I was checking out and the cashier asked if everything was ok at home.  I was like uh, ya. Then I noticed that my arm was really bruised from getting blood drawn from me.  Kind of made me laugh.

So as today the day of Easter I have had many emotions lately.  I am hurt, angry, upset. I do not understand why I can't have kids!!!! This makes me so angry, and when I listed to the prophets talk about being a good mom it just makes me feel really bad about my situation.  The only other person who knows how i would feel would be someone who has to go through this!!! I am not trying to put self pity on myself but this is so painful for me.  i felt my goal in life was to have kids and I cannot have them without paying a price of $20,000. Which if i get a child will be totally worth it.  It is just hard because we are working our butt's off to pay this bill off. This is the hardest thing i have ever gone through.

btw, we got an offer on our house.  We now need to see if the bank will accept that offer or not. We are hoping that they will accept the offer. Well sorry about the negative post but this is a hard day for me and my family.

So Jaxten has really made us laugh lately.  So my little one is a very stubborn high strung child.  He wanted to wear his ball pj's and I had him in his bear pj's he fought and fought me.  So when he fell asleep and went to check on him he was butt naked.

last night we were downstairs with Jaxten and he decided to be naked like he always does. He gets his sippy cup and pees in the cup and then he dumps his pee on the ground.

Funny stuff....

So Quint started his new schedule it is not really fun for either or us. I feel bad for him, working nights and 70 hours a week is hard. We need to make sacrifices. Quint really misses Jaxten a lot.  Quint's sister is going to start taking care of him once a week for a couple of months for us. 
So a funny thing happened today, We have our house on the market and our home teacher and his son came over today. This "son" is 12 years old and we taught him last year in primary. His dad said, " Are you going to miss them?" He said no why would I. I guess he was honest.

So I had a pretty uneventful weekend.  I had my family come over for girl's movie night. I watched vampire diaries, new moon, and tonight my mom and sister are coming over for another movie. So it is good for me to keep my mind occupied. So I think we will have a lot of fun!

So not much has changed since I wrote last. We found out that we can raise almost the all the money for invitro by August. We will be implanting on August 28th, 2010. It can't get here fast enough. I found out I have to go on birthcontrol for three weeks then have a million bagillion shot's to get my body ready to get a bunch of eggs. So this will be an interesting process that we have to go through. It is suppose to make me cruella deville! Yikes for Quint. BTY quint got a second job where he use to work. He told me he would never step foot in that place but desperate times call for desperate measures. Quint will be working over 70 hours a week. Not fun! Good luck to him and me.

Our house still has not had any offers but people are coming in like crazy. Our house is selling for 210 which is a good deal. But we will see. So my brother Brad closed on his home in daybreak and he is suppose to be moving tomorrow. O ya, I am a new med and it is working great, I feel like me again so that has been really good. Well we are going through a lot right now but what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger! right? Well I will keep telling myself that.

So as you know, Quint and I are trying to have another baby. We found out that we have to have invitro done.  I just got all of my test results back and they were good. So that means that we will have an easier time with the invitro. We meet with the Dr. next week to go over all of our options.  So this last week i had work off so that was a nice thing for me. I got to go into work when I please and that is always nice to do. Quint has been sick this weekend so I got to spend all weekend with him.  He cut me some blocks for my craft projects. What a good hubby!

Update on our story

so this weekend was a busy one for me.  On Friday I was suppose to go to Gymboree with my friend but I am a dork and i slept in.  My alarm clock went off but I slept right through it.  I went to my friends's house and had a playdate.
Saturday we actually went to Gymboree.  I might add this is on the east side.  Then i dropped off my friend then went back out to sandy and got my blood work done.  Which was normal so that is some good news! ThenI went to sl regional hospital to see Quint for lunch.  Then I went Grocery shopping, back to work and then home.  I went through 1/2 tank of gas.  I tought church on sunday and took a 3 hour nap.  Today we bought a Dyson and told Quint's parents about our dillema.  I have my next test on Friday ! I am nervous for that one.  I will keep you posted.  I also was switched meds for my depression and i am having withdrawls on my old medication.  Note to self, never go back on cymbalta. LOL!

So this last week has been a very hard week for Quint and I. We found out why I am having a hard time getting pregnant. In order to have any more kids we have to have invitro. This news have been devistating. This procedure costs about 25,000. So please keep us in your prayers and if you have any ideas where we can get extra money please let us know. I have to have some more testing done next week and then we will know for sure what to do after those tests have been completed.

I want to also post a little something close to my heart. I want to talk about depression and how real it is. This is in my family and after I had jaxten something in my brain just went wierdo. I got depression and I still have it. This is very real to me and something that I have to live with each day of my life. I want to thank my husband and my brother Brad for helping me overcome the feelings that I deal with each day of my life. I am still dealing with this but i will take it one day at a time. Stay strong!

We also are putting our house on the market in about a week. It is a beautiful home and we will miss our neighborhood. We have to sell in order for quint to go to school and for us to afford another baby. I hope that this post makes sense, my goal in life is to make it one day at a time.

valentines month

so as you know, it is the month of valentines. My husband is not big on the idea of buying flowers for this day. He thinks that it is dumb for the media to tell men that they need to buy flowers for this day. He thinks we should be nice every day of the year. haha is what i tend to think about that. He knows that it is important to me, so Quint took me to " Dear John." It was a good movie, i loved it. I cried during the whole thing. It close to my heart. So once i start crying i cannot stop. It was to the point where i was laughing because i kept crying at the restaraunt. I got mad at quint for something and he says to me, " Atleast I did not dear John someone!" So i was laughing and crying at the same time. Anyone ever have that happen to them? It is not a good thing.

So today I stayed home from work because I was sick. I slept most of the day, that was good thing for me. So Quint and I are getting testing done for my pregnancy. I will keep you posted on what happens with our tests. We are putting our house on the market soon. so wish us luck! Well I hope this month keeps me smiling!

JANUARY ADVENTURES!

SO QUINT AND I LEFT JAXTEN HOME AND WE WENT ON A CRUISE WITH MY PARENTS TO THE CARRIBEAN. IT WAS HARD TO LEAVE JAXTEN BUT GOOD AT THE SAME TIME. ON THE WAY OVER THE AIRLINE ATTENDANT HAD OCD AND SAID IT WAS NOT SANITARY TO HAVE WATER TO WASH OUR HANDS. BUT THEY LIED AND TOLD US IT WAS A LEAK. THEY TURNED THE PLANE AROUND AND HAD AN EMERGENCY LANDING. THERE WERE AMBULANCES, POLICE CARS, AND A HELICOPTER. WE LANDED HEAVY WITH FUEL. WE WERE ON THE NEWS. THEN WE WAITED ANOTHER 2 HOURS AND THEY SAID THAT PLANE WAS BROKEN. WE WERE TIRED AS CAN BE. WE HAD A TEN HOUR DELAY. SO IT WAS A ROCKY START TO OUR TRIP. WE WENT SCUBA DIVING, ZIP LINING, 4- WHEELING. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN! UPDATE ON MY PREGNANCY, I DID NOT GET PREGNANT ON CLOMID. MADE ME SAD BUT THERE IS HOPE! WE NEED TO GET TESTED TO SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE WRONG. NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.

WE GOT JAXTEN A CAR BED THAT IS A TWIN SIZE. HE LOVES IT! IT MAKES ME SAD MY BABY IS GROWING UP. HE USED TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR. I FOUND OUT WHY. HIS CRIB MATTRESS IS SOOOO HORRIBLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SLEPT ON IT FOR TWO YEARS. I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT. SO HE HAS BEEN SLEEPING MUCH BETTER.

W

SO THIS PAST WEEK WAS KIND OF AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER. THE CLOMID THAT I AM ON. BEWARE OR EXTREME MOOD SWINGS. I WAS LIKE YA RIGHT. WELL THAT WARNING SURE CAME TRUE, IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE FAMILY. IT WAS QUITE EMBARASSING! SO QUINT AND ARE GOING ON A CRUISE ON FRIDAY! WE ARE REALLY EXCITED BUT VERY SAD TO LEAVE JAXTEN. WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH! HE IS THE LOVE OF OUR LIVES. SO GOOD LUCK TO QUINT'S SISTER.

My life thus far!

So Quint and have been trying to get prego and my Dr. put me on clomid. This is month one of my trial. So wish me luck. I will give you a quick update, we are still living in west jordan and we are still working and Quint is trying to get into an internship and the u and get into the program to finish up his nursing program. I am trying to make myself a better person and I am working very hard at changing myself. Boy is it hard work! Jaxten is now two years old and is full of energy. He makes me laugh, cry, happy, and sad all at the same time. I love being a mom and he definitely needs a sibling! So Pray for us! Well I better get off to bed. Til next time.