update

I am doing a quick update Last Thur I was pregnant and I went back on Saturday just assuming my levels would rise more. They told me that I was miscarrying!!! I had so much hope. My due date was suppose to be on Nov 16th. I am starting to bleed and pass the baby. The baby was 4.5 weeks when it died. Thanks for all the support!

TODAY IS THE DAY

I AM WAITING MY BLOOD RESULTS AND I AM STARTING TO GO CRAZY..... I WENT IN AT 8:30 THIS MORNING AND I AM WAITING AND WAITING. THIS IS SO NERVE RACKING. AAHHHH! SO I DECIDED TO WRITE TO PASS THE TIME BY. I CALLED THE CLINIC AND THEY SAID THERE WERE NO RESULTS YET. SO I SHOULD GET THEM SOMETIME TODAY. SO I AM TRYING TO STAY CALM.
 I HAVE BEEN SPOTTING A LITTLE BIT AND I HAVE NOT GONE INTO WORK THIS WEEK AT ALL. I HAVE BEEN ON BED REST AND TRYING TO KEEP THESE BABIES ALIVE! SO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING THAT I CAN. EVERYONE IS ANXIOUSLY WAITING AND I WILL LET YOU KNOW AS SOON AS I KNOW!!!!!

UPDATE ON THE INVITRO

OK SO TODAY WAS A EXCITING DAY.... I WILL GET TO THAT IN A LITTLE WHILE. SO TODAY HAS BEEN A WEEK SINCE THE EMBRYO TRANSFER. I HAVE BEEN TAKING IT EASY ON BED REST FOR THE LAST WEEK. IT WAS KIND OF NICE TO BE ABLE TO TAKE A NAP BY MY SELF DURING THE DAY. I THOUGHT GOING INTO THIS THAT THE TWO WEEKS WOULD FLY BY. I AM DRIVING QUINT NUTS SAYING, " DID IT TAKE?" I ASK HIM EVERY DAY AND I AM DRIVING HIM NUTS. OUR NEW WARD WAS GREAT WITH TAKING CARE OF US B Y BRINGING MEALS. IT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL! MY MOM AND MY FAMILY HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING. ESPECIALLY MY MOM. SHE HAS TAKEN CARE OF JAXTEN, CLEANED MY HOUSE NUMEROUS TIMES, TAKEN JAXTEN TO KJERSEN'S. SHE HAS HELPED MORE THAN SHE KNOWS..... I HAVE BEEN CRAMPING HERE AND THERE. TODAY I HAD A SCARE AND HAD A LITTLE BLEEDING. IT MADE ME VERY NERVOUS AND SCARED. I AM TRYING SO HARD TO RELY ON PRAYERS AND PUT MY FAITH IN GOD! WHICH IS A HARD THING AT TIMES.

SO IT WAS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION AT MY FAMILY YESTERDAY AND JAXTEN WENT AND GOT A CAKE WITH HIS GRANDPA. HE HAD A LOT OF FUN! SO I DO NOT FORGET I HAD MY EGGS TAKEN FEB 23 AND PLACED FEB 28TH. I GET MY BLOOD TEST SOMETIME THIS WEEK. I REALLY AM PRAYING AND HOPING THAT IT IS GOD'S PLAN FOR US TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD ADDED TO OUR FAMILY! I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LEARNED A LOT FROM THIS TRIAL AND I FEEL VERY READY TO BECOME A MOM AGAIN. I HAVE DONE MY PART SO NOW IT IS UP TO THE LORD AND WHAT IS IN STORE FOR US. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

I have not written forever.....

I HAVE NOT WRITTEN IN A WHILE! THERE IS SO MUCH THAT HAS GONE ON IN OUR LIVES SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN LAST. MY LAST INVITRO CYCLE DID NOT WORK AND IT WAS VERY HARD FOR US! WE HAVE TRIED TO HEAL FROM THAT ORDEAL AND MOVE ON AS BEST AS WE CAN! WE DECIDED WE NEEDED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE BABY STUFF AND NOT WORRY ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE. SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN LAST WE HAVE HAD MANY MILESTONES IN OUR LIVES. JAXTEN HAD A VERY GOOD BIRTHDAY! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT HE TURNED THREE IN DECEMBER! HE IS A JOY TO HAVE IN OUR LIVES! THIS LAST YEAR WAS THE HARDEST HANDS DOWN YEAR I HAVE EVER ENDURED IN MY LIFE. I SWEAR EVERYTHING WOULD GO WRONG AND WE WERE DEF. BEING TESTED. WE HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS AND THIS YEAR HAS STARTED TO TURN AROUND ALREADY. QUINT GOT A JOB IN A ICU FOR ST. MARKS HOSPITAL AND WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR A LONG TIME. HE GOT HIRED OUT OF MANY APPLICANT AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS HIRED. THIS HAS BEEN A HUGE BLESSING IN OUR LIVES!

 AT THE END OF JANUARY WE MOVED OUT OF OUR HOUSE AND WE MOVED INTO MY BROTHER JEFF'S HOUSE. HE CALLED US THE DAY BEFORE WE MOVED AND SAID BTW, I GOT HURT AND I AM COMING HOME. THEY STILL LET US LIVE IN THEIR HOUSE AND THEY LOWERED OUR RENT WHICH HAS BEEN ANOTHER HUGE BLESSING IN OUR LIVES!


NEXT BIG MILESTONE IS MY BROTHER FINALLY GOT MARRIED! YAAAAAAH! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HIS WIFE SHE IS A SWEETHEART. HER NAME IS ANDY AND SHE IS A SPECIAL ED TEACHER. THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ABOUT A WEEK NOW. THEY GOT MARRIED IN THE SLC TEMPLE AND HAD THEIR RECEPTION AT THEP POINTE. WHICH WAS VERY NICE. I HOPE THAT THEY WILL BE HAPPY~ 

THE NEXT BIG THING THAT HAPPENED IS I STARTED ANOTHER INVITRO CYCLE~ YES, I KNOW THAT I AM CRAZY BUT WE PAID FOR IT AND SO WE DECIDED TO GO FOR IT. I HAVE BEEN A LOT CALMER DURING THIS CYCLE AND I AM TRYING TO HAVE MORE FAITH THAT IT WILL WORK. I AM SCARED TO DEATH!!!!!! WE HAVE BEEN DOING SO MUCH BETTER AND THIS HAS BROUGHT US CLOSER AS HARD AS IT HAS BEEN ON US. THEY SLOWED DOWN MY MEDICATION AND I STILL PRODUCED 29 EGGS! OUT OF THE 29 EGGS 24 WERE MATURE AND A 100% OF THE EGGS FERTILIZED. WHICH IS UNHEARD OF BTW. SO ON DAY THREE WE HAD 1- EXCELLENT 5- GOOD 15- FAIR 3- POOR. I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE DOING PRETTY WELL. I WAS VERY SORE THIS TIME AROUND FOR MY EGG RETRIEVAL. WE WENT TODAY AND HAD THE EMBRYOS PLACED BACK IN ME TODAY. WHEN WE WENT DR. H SAID THAT WE HAD 3 FAIR BLASOCYSTS! WHICH DEPRESSED ME!

MY CUTE PARENTS

OUT OF 24 EGGS ONLY THREE MADE IT AND THEY ARE NOT THE GREATEST QUALITY! BOY THIS IS FRUSTRATING. WE DECIDED TO PUT ALL THREE IN AND AFTER THEY WERE IMPLANTED THE DR. SAID ONE OF THEM WAS UPGRADED TO A GOOD QUALITY. SO IF IT IS MEANT TO BE WE WILL HAVE A PREGNANCY IN THE END. I WILL FIND OUT ON THE 12TH OF MARCH. SO NOW IS THE WAITIN NOW WE JUST NEED TO PUT OUR TRUST IN THE LORD!

SEA WORLD

I

HOTEL

ANIMAL KINGDOME

DISNEY WORLD

HARRY POTTER WORLD

SO ALL OF THESE PICTURES ARE FROM WHEN MY SWEET MOM AND DAD DECIDED TO TAKE ME TO FLORIDA WITH THEM BECAUSE OF MY FAILED IN VITRO. IT WAS THE SWEETEST THING THAT ANYONE COULD DO! IT HELPED ME MORE THAN THEY WILL EVER KNOW. I FLEW WITH JAXTEN ALONE AND HE WAS PRETTY GOOD ON THE WAY OVER! HE HAD SO MUCH FUN IN FLORIDA. LET ME TELL YOU HE IS ONE TWO YR OLD DURING THIS TIME! WE WENT TO SEA WORLD, UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, MGM, ANIMAL KINGDOM, THE BEACH AND DISNEY WORLD! HE HAD A BLAST! IT WAS AROUND HALLOWEEN TIME AND SO WE GOT TO DO SOME TRICK OR TREATING~ I WILL POST SOME MORE PICS WHEN I GET THEM. HE ABSOLUTELY LOVED THE BEACH! THE TRIP IS WHAT I NEEDED. JAXTEN WAS HORRIBLE ONT THE WAY BACK. HE WAS ONE TIRED BOY! IT WAS WELL WORTH IT. I WILL BE MUCH BETTER AT POSITNG! TIL NEXT TIME!

I AM NOT A BIG FAN OF WAITING.....

SO TODAY WAS MY FIRST DAY BACK AT THE GOOD OL' DENTAL OFFICE FROM BED REST. IT WAS A GOOD AND BAD THING TO BE BACK AT WORK.  I WAS GLAD TO GET THINGS DONE AND ACCOMPLISHED. I WAS SAD TO  LEAVE JAXTEN AT HOME. I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM AND MY HUBBY BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY THE BILLS SOMEHOW I GUESS. IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD DAY. I KEEP FEELING LIKE I AM GOING TO MISCARRY AGAIN BUT I HAVE NOT SO FAR. I AM REALLY HOPING FOR A PREGNANCY THIS TIME AROUND. I FEEL LIKE I AM MORE PREPARED THIS TIME. I AM 6 DAYS OUT FROM WHEN I MISCARRIED LAST TIME. SO I AM TAKING IT A DAY AT A TIME AND HOPEFULLY I WILL MAKE IT TO BLOOD DRAW DAY.
 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT IS ALREADY OCTOBER SOON THAT IS REALLY CRAZY. TIME GOES BY WAY TOO FAST! I AM EXCITED FOR JAXTEN TO GO TRICK OR TREATING. HE IS GOING TO BE SPIDER MAN. HE IS PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT THAT. HE IS GETTING TO THE CUTEST STAGE EVER. HE IS BASICALLY THREE AND BOY DOES HE ACT LIKE IT. HE IS SUCH A SMART KID AND I AM NOT JUST SAYING THAT. HE AMAZES ME HOW SMART HE IS FOR A TWO YEAR OLD. HIS PEDIATRICIAN SAYS HE IS A COUPLE OF YEARS OLDER THAN HIS AGE. SO MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. HE IS SUCH AN OUTGOING LITTLE BOY AND SAYS HI TO EVERYONE. HE IS THRIVING AND DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB WITH EVERYTHING. WE STILL HAVE NOT FOUND ABOUT THE JOB MAYBE WE WILL FIND OUT TOMORROW. IT WILL ALL DEPEND ON THE PAY FOR THE JOB. WE WILL HAVE TO HAVE A SITTER FOR TWO MORE DAYS OF THE WEEK... WELL I WILL KEEP PRAYING THAT THIS WILL WORK OUT SOME HOW. I KNOW GOD WANTS ME TO GROW FROM THIS. I AM TRYING TO DO THE BEST I CAN FOR  NOW.

Such a long few months...

So I have not written forever... it has been a rough few months for me and my family. Since I wrote last a lot has happened to us. A couple days before I was about to find out about if I was pregnant or not I started bleeding and so i went to the Dr. office and they took my blood and found out that I was pregnant and my levels would either go up or down from there. I knew in my mind that I was probabaly miscarrying but my family kept saying, "Stay Positive!" I tried to but I kept bleeding and bleeding and went in to the Dr. a couple of days later and found out that i had been pregnant but had miscarried! Quint surprised me by taking me to a hotel downtown just the two of us. We had a very special time together because we were hurting so bad. We went to dinner at a chinese restaraunt at the gateway and went and saw inception. We went and got dessert and went and watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs! We just had a good night and tried to heal a little bit from the miscarriage. This had been very hard for both of us and it has taken time to heal from this.We have had shed many tears over this because we want a child so badly. We want jaxten to have a  sibling, I can say god was with me the whole time and he lifted me the whole way and i know that he was there for me. My mom and dad were great and they helped me more than they know. My dad was such a sweetheart about the whole thing and he cried with me and felt my pain. My parents felt all of the pain that we dealt with losing the babies. My brother's were very sweet about the whole thing and they held me up the whole way and they helped the best that they could with the whole situation and I cried with them too! My brother brad really has helped me with the whole ordeal and he has been really great ! I could have not done it without my family and friends and the lord! MY ward and neighbors were really supportive as well this is def not something i would wish upon anyone~ So I took it a day at a time and slowly healed from it and I am still sad but this will make me stronger! I learned I need to have more faith and it is in god's hands. That is for sure and I know he carried me through this literally carried me!

So here is my cute nephew who was born at the end of August. This is Jeff's son that he had. He was born in lackland airbase and we do not get see him for 9 months which is really sad. My brother is in the airforce and he just moved to Florida with his wife candice. She has been alone alot because of jeff's training! I feel bad for her but she is a strong person for raising a baby in a new state. They are a super cute family!!!!!

So it was my anniversary at the end of July, it has been five years already that is so crazy how time flies by. Quint really tests me and makes me be a better person and does not let me just sit there he really pushes me to be a better person and mother to my little guy. I can tell you that I will never ever take jaxten for granted he is so special to me and i feel so blessed to have him as part of my family. He is really starting to talk a lot he really makes me laugh. He tells me that my butt is a crane thanks jaxten how rude! He is definitely the light of my life i love him sooo much. So I decided to dive right back into invitro and wanted to have my frozen embryos implanted. So the last month and a half i have been taking shots and taking estradiol pills and trying to get my uterine lining bulked up so i will be ready to implant the embryos.  This cycle has been much better on my body and way less stressful. We did not know if the embryos would even survive the thaw and we were very luck they both did and that usually does not happen. we were very blessed in that aspect.  I went in to the Dr. yesterday and they talked with us and implanted both of the embryos we got to see them on a big tv and that was really interesting. They did not have that last time we went in to the clinic. They gave us a picture of the embryos again and so we have that little memory to have. So i feel a little about this cycle but i am trying to stay calm and have faith in the lord and I know if it is his will it will work out in the end. i am on bed rest for the weekend and it is kind of boring but it will be well worth it. I hope it works but only time will tell.

Quint applied for a new job and he would work mon-fri and have weekends off and all holidays we will find out next week if he gets it or not. We will see... Sorry such a long post I could even say more!

LONG TIME NO POST

OK I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID NOT WRITE WHEN THEY DID THE EMBRYO TRANSFER SO I WILL START THERE.  SO WE WENT TO THE DR. LAST THURSDAY FOR THE EMBRYO TRANSFER. I HAD A NERVOUS BREAK DOWN THAT MORNING. I WAS SO NERVOUS THAT IT WOULD NOT WORK.  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 SO THAT WAS GOOD THAT WE HAD THE TWO. SO THE DR. WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE STILL WANTED TWO. HECK YES! SO THE NURSE TOOK ME BACK AND TOLD ME TO CHANGE. SO QUINT AND I PUT OUR GOWNS ON, MASKS, BOOTIES, AND HAIR NETS. WE LOOKED GOOD! LOL SO I WENT IN AND THEY PUT WARMING BLANKETS ON ME AND THE NURSE DID AN ULTRA SOUND ON MY STOMACH WHILE THE EMBRYOLOGIST GAVE US A PICTURE OF OUR FUTURE KIDS. I HELD ON TO THAT TIGHT! THE EMBRYOLOGIST ASKED US 5 TIMES OUR INFO SO THEY DID NOT MIX ANYTHING UP.  SO THE DR. CLEANED EVERYTHING UP AND THEN TOOK THE EMBRYOS IN AND I THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL THEM BUT I DID NOT. IT WAS KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE BUT NOT A HUGE DEAL. HE INSERTED THE EMBRYO'S AND THEN THE EMBRYOLOGIST CHECKED WITH THE MICROSCOPE SO SEE IF THE EMBRYOS WERE IN AND THEY WERE! THEY SENT ME HOME AND I RESTED THAT DAY.  I WAS SO NERVOUS! DID IT WORK? DID IT NOT WORK? AAAAH THIS IS SO HARD. I AM TRYING TO HAVE FAITH BUT IT IS SO HARD. SO MY MOM TOOK JAXTEN THURSDAY AND QUINT'S MOM TOOK HIM FRIDAY.  QUINT TOOK HIM TO THE ZOO WITH GABBY ON SATURDAY.  SO I WAS GOING CRAZY ON BED REST BUT IT IS NOW OVER.

SO TODAY I WENT TO LIBERTY PARK WITH MY MOM, JAXTEN, HANNAHM=, AND SERRA. IT WAS A GOOD DAY. WE WENT ON THE SLIDES, HAD A PICNIC, WENT ON SOME RIDES. WHICH WERE PRETTY GHETTO. FUNNY PICS COMING SOON. SO THIS WHOLE TIME NOT KNOWING IF OR IF NOT IS SO HARD FOR ME. I AM GOING NUTS AND I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SOMETIMES. I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE BUT I HAVE A COPING MECHANISM THAT IT WILL HURT LESS IF I AM WHEN I FIND OUT.  I AM SO SCARED AND I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN TAKE IT IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT. MY GOAL IS TO HAVE FAITH BECAUSE I CANNOT DO ANYMORE. IT IS UP TO GOD AND I NEED TO LEAVE IT TO HIM. WHICH IS VERY HARD FOR ME! I KNOW WHEN I AM GETTING MY ANSWER BUT I AM NOT LETTING ANYONE ELSE KNOW.  MY MOM KNOWS BUT THAT IS IT. SO THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS AND I HOPE THAT MY ANSWER IS GOOD AND I HOPE THAT I CAN GET A BREAK.  I JUST CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE PAIN. WISH ME LUCK...