LONG TIME NO POST

OK I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID NOT WRITE WHEN THEY DID THE EMBRYO TRANSFER SO I WILL START THERE.  SO WE WENT TO THE DR. LAST THURSDAY FOR THE EMBRYO TRANSFER. I HAD A NERVOUS BREAK DOWN THAT MORNING. I WAS SO NERVOUS THAT IT WOULD NOT WORK.  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 SO THAT WAS GOOD THAT WE HAD THE TWO. SO THE DR. WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE STILL WANTED TWO. HECK YES! SO THE NURSE TOOK ME BACK AND TOLD ME TO CHANGE. SO QUINT AND I PUT OUR GOWNS ON, MASKS, BOOTIES, AND HAIR NETS. WE LOOKED GOOD! LOL SO I WENT IN AND THEY PUT WARMING BLANKETS ON ME AND THE NURSE DID AN ULTRA SOUND ON MY STOMACH WHILE THE EMBRYOLOGIST GAVE US A PICTURE OF OUR FUTURE KIDS. I HELD ON TO THAT TIGHT! THE EMBRYOLOGIST ASKED US 5 TIMES OUR INFO SO THEY DID NOT MIX ANYTHING UP.  SO THE DR. CLEANED EVERYTHING UP AND THEN TOOK THE EMBRYOS IN AND I THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL THEM BUT I DID NOT. IT WAS KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE BUT NOT A HUGE DEAL. HE INSERTED THE EMBRYO'S AND THEN THE EMBRYOLOGIST CHECKED WITH THE MICROSCOPE SO SEE IF THE EMBRYOS WERE IN AND THEY WERE! THEY SENT ME HOME AND I RESTED THAT DAY.  I WAS SO NERVOUS! DID IT WORK? DID IT NOT WORK? AAAAH THIS IS SO HARD. I AM TRYING TO HAVE FAITH BUT IT IS SO HARD. SO MY MOM TOOK JAXTEN THURSDAY AND QUINT'S MOM TOOK HIM FRIDAY.  QUINT TOOK HIM TO THE ZOO WITH GABBY ON SATURDAY.  SO I WAS GOING CRAZY ON BED REST BUT IT IS NOW OVER.

SO TODAY I WENT TO LIBERTY PARK WITH MY MOM, JAXTEN, HANNAHM=, AND SERRA. IT WAS A GOOD DAY. WE WENT ON THE SLIDES, HAD A PICNIC, WENT ON SOME RIDES. WHICH WERE PRETTY GHETTO. FUNNY PICS COMING SOON. SO THIS WHOLE TIME NOT KNOWING IF OR IF NOT IS SO HARD FOR ME. I AM GOING NUTS AND I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SOMETIMES. I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE BUT I HAVE A COPING MECHANISM THAT IT WILL HURT LESS IF I AM WHEN I FIND OUT.  I AM SO SCARED AND I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN TAKE IT IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT. MY GOAL IS TO HAVE FAITH BECAUSE I CANNOT DO ANYMORE. IT IS UP TO GOD AND I NEED TO LEAVE IT TO HIM. WHICH IS VERY HARD FOR ME! I KNOW WHEN I AM GETTING MY ANSWER BUT I AM NOT LETTING ANYONE ELSE KNOW.  MY MOM KNOWS BUT THAT IS IT. SO THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS AND I HOPE THAT MY ANSWER IS GOOD AND I HOPE THAT I CAN GET A BREAK.  I JUST CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE PAIN. WISH ME LUCK...